


Carry On My Wayward Blondes

by Charlie_E_Winchester



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural, Veronica Mars (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 13:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8447776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie_E_Winchester/pseuds/Charlie_E_Winchester
Summary: It's just another day in Neptune, until "Agents" Simmons and Smith arrive.





	

_Carry on my wayward son..._

_There'll be peace when you are done..._

_Lay your weary head to rest..._

_Don't you cry no more..._

The heavy rift blasted through her room and Veronica fumbled in the darkness for her alarm. Logan was always changing her alarm tone without warning. He knew her too well; if she went too long hearing the same noise, she just slept through it. She finally found the alarm, turning it off just as the first verse began to blare loudly from the speaker. 

She groaned and stretched. Her arms grasped the empty sheets on the other side of the bed. _Oh right._ Logan had left two days earlier. Another deployment. She always got antsy when he left. 

A new alarm started bleeping at her and Veronica snatched her phone off the charger quickly, tapping the alarm off. She tousled her hair and walked groggily to the bathroom. As she brushed her teeth, she flipped through the day's calendar. Mac had synced her phone with their Mars Investigation calendar; now all her day's meetings were at her fingertips. 

The day was going to be filled with the typical work; a woman who suspected her husband was cheating on her, a stolen identity, and a referral from Cliff. There was a new meeting that caught her eye; Mac must have scheduled it after she left the office yesterday. The name looked funny. __

_Agent Simmons?_ There was no note under the appointment. Mac normally left her some sort of clue as to what the meeting was about. _Whatever._ Half the time meetings that insisted on a level of mystery never showed up anyways. 

*

Veronica sipped her coffee thoughtfully. The morning's meetings had gone well, and she was still half-expecting this 'Agent' Simmons to be a no-show for 11. That would leave her an extra hour at lunch to do some recon on a long-standing assignment she was doing off-the-books for the Neptune PD. 

Mac poked her head in and chuffed. Veronica looked up to see her friend's wry grin hidden under a newly shock blue fringe. "Your eleven o'clock is here, boss." 

Veronica smirked. "And just when I thought I was going to get a few hours to myself." 

Mac chuckled. "I was surprised you took it actually." 

"Not like I had much of a choice, seeing as _someone_ put it in my calendar." Veronica eyed her resident tech genius over the rim of her coffee mug. 

Mac gave her a puzzled look before her head disappeared. It was soon replaced by two handsomely tall men in suits and dark overcoats. They surveyed the room carefully, and Veronica was suddenly very cognizant of the fluffy pink pen on her desk. 

Veronica raised her eyebrows and stood up from her desk. "One of you is Agent Simmons, I presume?"

The shorter man - _shorter, Veronica? Really? They're both well over six feet!_ \- reached his hand out. The calluses on his hand rubbed roughly against her grip. "Pleasure to meet you Ms. Mars." He gestured to his taller companion. "And this is my partner..." 

"Agent Stanley?" Veronica asked, the side of her mouth turning up into a wry grin. 

The taller man seemed caught off guard, and coughed, clearly trying to hide his discomfort. "No, no," he said, holding out his own hand. "I'm Special Agent Smith." 

" _Special_ Agent _?"_

Agent Simmons chuckled. "We're from the FBI, Ms. Mars." 

Veronica gestured to the seats in front of her desk. "Well, that does make you gentlemen special now, doesn't it. How can I help you?" 

"Well," Agent Smith cleared his throat and glanced to his partner. "We were hoping to ask you some questions about a few of your neighbours. You see, a few of them have reported some violent incidents." 

Veronica put her elbows on her desk and leaned forward. "I'm sorry – is the FBI actually in my office asking whether I know anything about the Lestat's barista that threw coffee in a customer's face last week?" 

Agent Stanley's hand twitched to his tie. "Well, we did hear about that. But we were more concerned with the instance of your neighbour upstairs drowning her husband in their kitchen sink. Or the maid at the Neptune Grand who lit an entire bedroom on fire." 

Veronica snorted. "You are aware that this is Neptune, right?" The gentlemen in front of her exchanged glances and Veronica sighed. "I'm sorry gentlemen, but why did the FBI think I was going to be helpful in this investigation?" 

"Well, to be honest Ms. Mars, you were recommended to us. The Neptune PD said if we had questions about this area, we should come and talk to you." 

Veronica chuckled. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you boys, but I'm pretty sure Neptune PD just pulled a fast one on you." 

"Excuse me?" 

Veronica rose from her chair. "We have a long standing - friendly rivalry, as you might call it - the PD and Mars Investigations. I think they probably got a good chuckle out of sending you my way." She gestured towards the door behind them. "I'm sorry but I don't know anything which would make me of any help." 

Agent Smith laid one of his cards on Veronica's desk and gave her a soft smile. _Damnit if you couldn't melt into that face, Veronica._ "Well, if anything comes to mind, please give us a call." With a swish of their coats, both men filed out without another word. 

Mac once more poking her shocking blue fringe around Veronica's door. "So what did Mulder and Scully want?"

Veronica smirked. "To ask us about the problems with the neighbourhood watch." She picked up the card on her desk and turned it over in her hand. "Mac, how many times have we pretended to be law enforcement to find out information?" 

Mac walked fully into the office, shrugging. "Honestly, at this point I lost count. There are still a few people who swear _you_ were in the FBI." 

Veronica flicked the card up in the air. "Think you can find out who these guys really are?" 

Mac looked down at the card and grinned. "Sure. And if I run into any problems, I might know a girl who knows a girl." 

Veronica rolled her eyes. "This is going to involve one of your weird internet friends, isn't it?" 

Mac chuckled. "Listen, just because I'm the only weird internet friend you have doesn't mean the rest of us can't have more than one." 

*

Veronica tapped her heels impatiently against the bottom rail of the bar, sipping at the dregs of her cocktail. Mac hadn't been able to find anything concrete on their FBI visitors, but her contact had insisted she knew someone who had met the same men or, as Mac called them, "the Agents of Blue Steel," before. 

And so now, three days later, Veronica was waiting at the bar of the Neptune Grand. For someone named "Buffy." _Who the hell hates their kid so much to name them 'Buffy' anyways?_

"Veronica?" 

Veronica turned her head to see a petite blonde woman walking up to her. The girl's hair was shoulder length and full, bouncing slightly as she walked. She was dressed in a leather jacket and clean jeans, and the heels of her boots clicked against the floor. 

Veronica held out her hand politely. "Buffy?" The woman smiled and nodded, and Veronica gestured to the seat next to her. "You know, there's only room for one hot blonde in this town."

Buffy raised her eyebrows as she ordered a drink. "Does this mean we're going to have to duel to the death? We only just met!" 

Veronica chuckled and flicked a finger across the bar. "Not me - but, you know, flattered - I was referring to Ms. Madison Sinclair over there. She takes her beauty queen title very seriously. I'd watch your back while I was in town."

Buffy laughed. "Noted." The bartender placed two shots in front of the women and she pushed one towards Veronica. When Veronica looked down at it questioningly, Buffy laughed again. "Come on, you're going to want to take this before this conversation." 

Veronica shrugged, and together the woman took their drinks, the liquid flowing warmly down Veronica's throat. Not to be outdone, she ordered a second round. 

"So, tell me. The FBI agents, what's their deal?" 

Buffy swung herself around and leaned against the bar, surveying the layout of the Neptune Grand. "Well, first, they're obviously not FBI." 

"Obviously." 

"They call themselves 'Hunters' - it's so dramatic, I know - but basically they go across the country killing anything that rears its supernatural head." 

Veronica coughed into her drink. "Supernatural?" 

Buffy rolled her eyes and her voice went flat. "Yes, I know. Get the shock out of your system. There are monsters that go bump in the night. It's so strange."

Veronica gestured for another round of shots and drank both of them. Buffy continued to look forward, nodding her chin to the door. "Hunters come knocking when strange things happen."

Turning around again, Veronica saw Agent Simmons and Smith walking through the gilded foyer of the Grand. "And how do you know this?" 

Buffy chuckled, wagging her finger at Agent Simmons. "After waking up next to one of them, we may have been attacked by some vampires who were out for a little vengeance. Once we'd killed them, the boys sang like canaries." Veronica raised her eyebrows in surprise and Buffy smirked. "Alright, I _may_ be a sucker for the Tragic Backstory. I can spot them from a mile away; gets me every time." 

Veronica raised her glass. "Finally, something I can drink to." 

*

_Why didn't I splurge on the good sunglasses?_ Veronica rubbed her temple. It was the next morning, and she stood impatiently in line at Lestats, waiting for as much caffeine as they could pump into her morning latte. _God damn that woman can drink._

Buffy stood next to her, perky and upbeat. "So tell me, is this the coffee house you were telling me about last night?" 

"Yeah, you see that barista there?" Veronica pointed to the short brunette behind the counter. "She literally picked up a pot of coffee and threw it in a customer's face." 

"And she's still working here?" 

Veronica rubbed her temples in a vain attempt to alleviate the pounding. "I heard the customer she threw the coffee on was none other than Vinnie Van Lowe. If anyone deserved a hot slap in the face, it was him." She glanced over at her peppy new comrade and groaned. "How in the world are you this upbeat today?" 

Buffy shrugged. "Slayer mojo. Perks of the job include super strength, fast reflexes, and a great metabolism. According to Spike it makes me a bummer at parties."

_It certainly makes you a bummer in the morning._

Buffy ordered their coffees and glanced over at the brunette. "So, did he deserve it? That guy you threw the coffee at?" 

The woman chortled as she steamed their milk. "Damn right he did. He's come in here every day for six years demanding my number as if it was his right to have it. One day, I felt different. I just decided enough was enough."

As the women left the coffee shop, Veronica took a deep drink of her coffee. Buffy glanced up and down the sidewalk. 

"So, I don't know if this is the right thing to say, but it sounds like this chick had a pretty good reason for throwing coffee in that guy's face." 

"Yeah, she's not the only one. I actually had Mac look into the other two instances those FBI - excuse me, hunters - mentioned. It turns out the wife who drowned her husband found out he'd been cheating with, get this, their son's swimming coach. And the maid? She'd been assaulted by the hotel manager in that very room." 

"Huh," Buffy swirled her coffee around. "So, people responding in dramatic ways to stressful situations - this coffee is terrible, by the way - how does this lead the Agents of Blue Steel here?" 

Veronica gestured next door, to the exterior of Mars Investigations. " _That_ is a question for our weird internet friends." 

*

The bartender smiled brightly as the two blondes sat down in front of him. "Ladies! Back again so soon?" 

Veronica put on her brightest smile. "We just can't resist that charm of yours." 

Buffy tossed her hair. "Or that whiskey. Have a drink with us?" 

Within twenty minutes of chatting with the bartender, the women had confirmed their suspicions. All the recent aggressors had stayed at the Neptune Grand, visitors during a charity fundraiser held the previous month. And the organizer of that charity fundraiser, a business woman from Kansas, was still staying at the hotel. 

As they walked towards the elevator, Buffy's heels continued to click against the floor. "You know," Veronica looked down at her new friend's footwear. "Those shoes don't seem to be the most practical monster-hunting gear." 

Buffy chuckled. "I have taken down vampires in a prom dress. I'm not terribly worried about my footwear." 

As they stepped into the elevator, Veronica noticed her new companion sizing her up. "What?" 

"You're just handling this surprisingly well. Vampires, demons, the whole thing." 

Veronica shrugged. "Honestly, I've lived in Neptune for long enough that humans still scare me more than the idea that werewolves are real." 

The elevator opened on the fourth floor with a pleasant ding. "And the idea that our resident techies might be right - that these people are acting out because their souls have been ripped out?" 

"Well the idea of human souls being used to make a bomb won't help me sleep better at night, that's for sure." 

They crept out and along the hallway towards the thirteenth room. Loud crashes echoed down the walls towards them, subsiding only as they reached the entrance to the suite. Both women stood quietly, placing their ears against the door. 

A rough voice shouted loudly. "Don't you ass hats normally hole yourself up somewhere dark and grungy?"

A sharp voice, distinctly female, chuckled. "Well, you Winchesters clearly don't know all the stories of this place." 

Veronica looked over at her companion. "Looks like your Agents of Blue Steel beat us to the punch," she whispered. 

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and it sounds like they're doing a bang-up job, as always." 

Veronica knelt down and reached into her purse. She rifled around until she found a magnetic key. It was a new invention of Mac's - a skeleton key for magnetic door locks. She held the key up to Buffy proudly. "What do you say we go crash the party?" 

Buffy scrunched her face. "I thought you were a lawyer," she hissed. 

Veronica flashed the her card over the door's lock, grabbing the handle quickly so the door wouldn't swing open. She winked at Buffy. "If you don't practice law, you don't technically have to abide by the rules of professional conduct." 

The women crept silently into the room. Sure enough, the Agents of Blue Steel were now laid up on the other side of the room. They had traded their dark blue suits for flannel and cargo, which was now covered in glass and shreds of wood chips from the broken dresser they were now collapsed on top of. 

Opposite them, a woman in a black suit cracked his knuckles. Though the reflection in the mirror, it was clear her eyes had gone black. "You know," she grinned. "I can never understand how you two bumbling giants always seem to get out these situations." 

The two men's eyes flitted to the women creeping into the room. 

"We have our ways." 

"It doesn't help to have a few aces up your sleeve." 

Following the gaze of the men in front of him, the black-eyed woman turned his head around, coming face to face with Veronica's pistol. 

"Is this your 'Ace', then, Winchesters?" The woman hissed.

Veronica waved a few fingers. "Hi, I'm Veronica. And you've been playing in my sandbox." 

The black eyes flashed menacingly. "You do know that blondes typically don't have a high survival rate with these two monkeys, don't you?" 

Veronica's smile flickered as she fired two rounds into the woman's right shoulder. The demon didn't falter, but her dark eyes flashed again in anger. 

"What did you think a puny little gun was going to do to me?" 

Veronica smirked. "Keep you occupied, mostly." 

A bright light burst through the woman's torso. Buffy pulled her blade out, and she collapsed to the floor, her eyes still strobing in a violent orange haze. Veronica walked over to the woman and toed her gently. _Teach you to play in my neck of the woods._

She looked up at Buffy, smiling. "I take it back about the boots. Clearly she didn't hear anything." 

Her companion grinned. "See, I can be quiet when I want to be." One of the agents chuckled, and her gaze flashed over. "Dean, unless you want me to tell some stories about you, that's going to be the last chuckle I hear out of your mouth." 

The shorter man waved his hands in defeat, and reached over to help his partner. Both men rose to their feet, dusted the debris off themselves, and once more towered over Buffy and Veronica. 

Dean sized up Veronica carefully. "Funny, I pegged you as a woman with a taser." 

"Tasers are for kids." 

Dean smirked. "Well, thank you. As I'm sure Buffy has told you, we're not actually in the FBI. I'm Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam."

Buffy nodded her head to the taller of the two men. "What's up, Bullwinkle?" 

Sam laughed and hugged the blonde woman. "What's up, Slayer?" He held her at arm's length and smiled. "Hey, when did you pick up an angel blade?" 

Buffy tossed the blade lightly in the air. "Picked it up a couple years ago. You know the story; lots of angels died. Angel blades everywhere." 

Sam chuckled and looked over to his brother. "Yeah, we wouldn't know anything about that." 

Veronica waved her hands towards the day. "Sorry to break up the reunion, but everybody needs to get out of this room. The longer we stay, the more tape I have to get Mac to wipe from the security cameras." 

Sam and Dean exchanged glances, but filed out of the room obediently. Veronica turned to Buffy, whose eyes were trailing Dean. 

"Seriously?" 

Buffy shrugged. "Girl's gotta eat." 


End file.
